NO sex for a WEEK! A whole week!

Well, fuck freeing my sexuality because I can’t have sex for a whole week! I am going to make sure that my Essure Tubal ligation took and the nurse said I can’t have sex for a week. I was on the phone at work and I gasped outloud, “No sex for a week! Are you serious? That sucks!” I hope no one heard me. I told my husband well, there are other things we can do. We just have to get creative.

Perhaps writing about sex all the time is freeing my sexuality. I even wrote a confidental X-rated story about how we met. I felt embarassed reading it but also super turned on and ended up having sex again! lol. However, that was before I made this appointment. Fuck.

Well I am glad the month of January is almost over this month was dramarama! Filled with it and it seems to be unending with Adam’s parents. However, I just don’t give a shit anymore. As long as Adam and I are getting along his parents can say their shitty comments. Oh, I skipped over the how I tried to give them a chance part…oh well. Fuck them if they want to be shitty. I am an adult and they have no power over me. He can see them if he wants but I don’t have too.

I’m hoping that he will just “get it” eventually that his parents are toxic too just in different ways than mine. I’m not saying he needs to stop seeing them, just that he has to view them and deal with them in a way similiar to the way that I handle my father. They are alcoholics.

I love drinking once in a while, but they drink just about every day. Even if it is only beer, but the shitty comments always happen when they are drunk, which is almost all the time. We did drink with them on a few occasions and it was really fun, but then the next time they were shitty. I don’t understand why some drunks get so rude and snippity.

I am either a happy drunk or a depressed drunk. I don’t ever take it out on others. I guess I recognize my greatest enemy is myself not others. Who knows they could all just be figments of my imagination anyways? It is probably me just fucking with myself…lol. I am just kidding, but I did see that fucked up Guy Ritchie movie, “Revolver,” last night, so that is why I wrote about that possiblity.

Anything is possible, I mean we are here on Earth….which then brings the question- Are we really here? Or are we living in the Matrix? Perhaps the Matrix is real.

Free My Sexuality!

I have a confession to make. I am a horrible prude. I get all uncomfortable with sex, well except in certain contexts. There are many women I have met who talk more freely and openly about sex. I just can’t. Problem is, I am writing a novel about vampires. I want my characters to have sex! I just feel so weird an unnatural for writing about it. I am a “method writer” hence, having sex almost every day lately…..maybe I just need to have more sex and the thoughts will spill onto the paper. (And no, I didn’t realize that was a pun until after I wrote it…) I told my husband he has to free my sexuality!

The truth about Marrriage

If you marry the right person, you will have the most amazing sex you have ever had in your life. All the sex you had before will be pale in comparison. The physical and emotional side of your sex life will feel hallucinogenic.

I had to just write that down because I just can’t comprehend it. I have never enjoyed sex this much in my entire life. Wow, just wow…

The emotional aspects of marriage can suck sometimes and they really bit a big one for about a month but once you work things out, it is obvious you can prevail stronger. Being married to my husband is the most amazing and wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t believe I ever thought anything was good until now. Things just get better and better.

I’m starting to believe what they say……

About marriage. About how much it sucks. When it starts going bad, it feels like someone is slowly slicing away microscopic pieces of your heart. You feel like the pain is never going to end.

He is so angry with me all the time. If I even voice one single concern over his parents he flips. We never used to fight until they moved here. I want to move back to California. Perhaps our relationship was never strong in the first place? I’m sure that must be it.

I don’t want to be this unhappy all the time. I am never going to be happy again. I love him but his anger and rage scare the shit out of me. He is always yelling at me lately. He is always telling me everything is my fault. I just can’t hear it anymore.

I am starting to think all men are the same. If this ends I swear I won’t ever be with another man again. I thought we were just going thru a rough patch, but now I’m not so sure. The weird thing is that the sex has been really good lately, but everything else just plain sucks.