I never knew there was anything abnormal about my behavior. I thought it was just a personality quirk. Apparently I am agoraphobic. It is hard to say, it makes me sound so incredibly crazy.
I don’t go out alone, unless it is to places I am familiar with like the work or the gym. At the gym though, I often leave before I would like to because it is just too crowded. I hate crowds. Crowds make people look like bugs swarming from all directions. It makes me really dizzy. I feel like people are always trying to walk right into me.
I also am terrified of being home alone. I loathe shopping and get really dizzy and disoriented most of the time when I go with my husband or another trusted friend. I enjoy going out to eat and going on vacations, but not ever alone. I don’t do anything alone except work or the gym. Sometimes I will ride my bicycle in my neigborhood around the lake. That is about it…..
Now my husband is going on a business trip to San Franscisco. Not only am I jealous because I love San Franscisco, but I am terrified because that means I will be home all alone. My best friend is supposed to come visit for a few days, but I don’t know if I can handle the last few days by myself.
I am absolutely terrified of someone breaking into the house. I am afraid of dying in my sleep because I took accidentally too many pills to sleep. (For insomnia) I am afraid of the dark. This house is too big for me all by myself. What would I do without Adam?
I would drink every single night. I would smoke weed to take my mind off being alone. I would never be sober. That is how my life was the one time I lived alone for 5 months.
I always thought agoraphobia meant a person who doesn’t ever leave their home. I guess that is only in extreme cases. I leave my home, just not alone.
Hilariously, there is a support group for agoraphobics in N. Palm Beach! I thought it must be online. I would be waaaay to scared to go. In my opinion anyone who is there is either recovering from agoraphobia, has a trusted person with them or is not agoraphobic. I would never go to a support group alone. I think I have every anxiety disorder possible. I think also social phobia too. Damn, I’m crazy.
Tags: agoraphobia, alone, crazy, disorder, phobia
