Why is everyone switching to facebook from myspace? I really am not too keen on it. It seems like a big ol’ high school reunion. I know some of my friends on myspace I went to high school with but very few. I really have no interest in reconnecting with people other than the ones I have already reconnected with or maintained contact with.
It’s not that high school was bad. It’s just that I am so different now, and in some ways still the same. Perhaps it is because I will just never move back to my hometown ever again. It just doesn’t and never has felt like home for me. I was not meant to live where it snows. I just don’t see the point in reconnecting.
I will probably have nothing in common with most people. Yes, I’m married but I am not living the typical life script. I just kind of view the past as the past….I’m doing well. I hope everyone else is too, but I just have nothing to say. What is there to talk about? Memories?
I also have a lot of problems others don’t have. Perhaps the fact that my childhood was painful, not because of school but because of my parents and their constant fighting. As a result, I don’t like to think about the time before I met my husband.
Most people other than my 2 best friends, know nothing or were oblivious to my psychological abuse and my dad’s illness. I love my dad very much. He is the most generous kind hearted person I know. He has problems though. (so do I.) He should have never been married to my mom. She was never nurturing to anyone. Thus, fighting ensued.
Now, I am an agoraphobic mess. Agoraphobic the word itself sounds crazy. I have nicknamed it “Selfish Baby Disorder.” It prevents me from living my life to the fullest and from going anywhere alone except for work (Darwinian survivial mode wins over agoraphobia with much trepidation.) or the gym. (the fear of being obese or getting diabetes wins over agoraphobia but not without further problems.) I can also go other places with Adam, Heather, Jared, Nikki (when she comes to visit) or Clint (if he comes to visit ever.) These are my “safe” people right now.
I can’t even go to the grocery store alone without having a panic attack! I am so fearful when Adam goes to SFO! Thoughts race through my head and I am just petrified into a constant state of panic.
