Here’s a list of places I don’t go alone anymore.
The gym- because I hate the smell, the types of people that go there and the last time I was there I was barricaded in by four jocks and almost trampled. I now do cardio-kickboxing by myself in the privacy of my own home. This is one shred of agoraphbobia I will allow myself to never give up.
Places I have gone alone.
To school, not panic free though my art instructor is an arrogant panic attack inducing ass. Political Science is going well. It’s a good thing I don’t need art class to graduate. Tomorrow I have to go draw a naked man. Men’s bodies are ugly. I don’t want to see or smell some stranger’s nasty penis and balls. Yuck. I’m taking Dr. X tomorrow. I don’t want an “F” to bring down my 4.0 to a 3.0. and that’s the only fucking reason I am going. I will never take a class for “fun” again. Fun it is definitely not. I hate charcoal and the pretentiousness that is prevalent among many artists and art instructors.
I can’t wait until I can study sociology and peace studies at the University but I’m terrified of going to a big University. I may need more help at that time. Agoraphobia sucks. I’ve been meaning to try going to the store by myself but not on a Sunday. I am on Klonopin now and it seems to help, but I can’t seem to get myself going places alone still, except for class. At least that is one accomplishment, I would like to thank Dr. K for that and Dr. X helps if the attacks occur. Although I don’t need Dr. X half as much as I did before. Yeah!!!
