30 Day Shred

I’m a year late and I’m trying to get back in shape before I turn 30.  I have just under 6 months and getting back in shape would make me dread the birthday a lot less.  So far, I’m on Day 2 of Level 2 which is an AB killer!   I have such a hard time with the last Ab exercise that tonight I only did a few and then went down on the mat to do bicycle crunches instead.  After doing Level 2 my abs hurt like they have been worked out like never before!  I don’t know if I’m seeing results though.  It’s only been two weeks. 

I have consistently worked out for over 10 years now, but have neglected weight training/toning for 5 years, since I met Adam.  For the past two weeks I’ve done the Shred 5 days a week, and 30 minutes of bicycling once a week.  I’m going to also step up the bicycling since I have more Day time off now on Tuesdays.  At least I’m hoping to….My goal is to eat a small filling breakfast, do the Shred, Cool off a little so I’m not dripping sweat, then get on my bicycle bike 5 miles to the gym, lift some weights, and then bike 5 miles back. 

Of course, that long day of working out will be dependent upon the weather.  Really I should do that on Sunday because I am forced to take Mondays off starting next month and I HAVE to bike to school on Wednesdays because the parking lot is too damn crowded to drive, so my muscles must not be too sore.  Although I will say my body has gotten used to the burn 4-5 days in a row.

I’ve am slowly switching over to whole grains.  It is easy to find whole grain pasta- brown rice and quinoa! They are so yummy, unfortunately they are $3 or more a box!  It’s alright, it’s important to eat healthy.  I hate whole wheat pasta for some reason, but brown rice and quinoa are even better than regular pasta!  It is very hard to find real whole grain bread, because any bread made with ‘enriched flour’ is not whole grain!  So even though it says it’s wheat, it’s really no better than white or sourdough.

I’m also taking a Nutrition Class which is a complete snorefest.  Not the material just the class itself.  The instructor’s methods are just boring.  It’s half online/half in class no lecture.  Nothing interesting.  I hate it.  Oh well, it’s going to require discpline.  I am kicking myself, I should have taken Astronomy!

Four Bit Tangent

I have so many thoughts and ideas but it seems no one ever seems to notice.  I’ll write something but every seems so wrapped up in their daily lives to care.  Maybe they are the ones that have it right, maybe I’m just supposed to distract myself with mindless entertainment until I forget I am mortal.

I consider myself a Secular Humanist, however I find it so hard to live every day to the fullest because I hate what I do.  I feel like working at my day job takes the pursuit of happiness away from me.  I feel like a complete nihilist at times, it’s not that I want to do anything immoral, it’s just that I’m wasting the time that I have playing a role in someone else’s dream.  His dream is my nightmare.

I feel so broken and like if I do have talent for writing, why hasn’t anyone noticed? I don’t know that I have this gift?  If I do have a gift, is it really a gift or a curse?  My mind is restless, yet at the same time it would be unsettling if it stopped.Adam was talking about his fear of death recently, and I don’t quite understand because as a child I was told hell was a real place by a teacher at my school.  I can’t imagine someone being afraid of nonexistence, that doesn’t bother me in the least if that is all there is.  If that’s it it sounds like a good rest to me, however I am reluctant to admit I still have the fear of hellfire lurking in my subconscious.  It is hard to forget the things you are told when you were five years old, even if they are completely irrational.  Reincarnation would be cool, non-existence would be fine.  Hell still scares me sometimes.

I think about unsettling things often, far too often.  I wish I could be living each day to the fullest, but I really don’t know how.  There must be a better way to live.  I think Henry David Thoreau had everything all figured out, and I don’t care what his critics say.  Fuck them, he was brilliant and under-appreciated even by his close friends.  They say he did nothing with his life, but he helped a bunch of slaves escape, how is that nothing?  He was so brilliant and progressive.  He is my hero.

-End Four Bit  Tangent of useless information no one cares or thinks about except me.